[obol] Guilt-free chasing

[ptsulliv at spiritone.com]

OBOL: 

Engineers at Cornell and U. Texas today announced that they have discovered an answer for America's energy crisis and reliance on foreign oil. Working on a joint project, teams from the two universities have developed a vehicle 
which harnesses the gases trapped in the blogosphere and uses them to drive turbines which power full-size family minivans. The researchers note that the source is renewable, domestic, and will only continue to grow as population increases. 

The research was hailed by both Al Gore and Senator James Inhofe, who come from opposite ends of the global warming debate. The research was also applauded by both extremes of the political spectrum, which expect to get great mileage out of the vehicle. The research was funded by both the left-leaning MoveOnward and the fundamentalist christian MoveAmerciaRight.  Additional funding came from Ngoveri Faraniway, daughter of the late king of Nigeria, who made a fortune on the internet, the trade group Amalgamated Viagra Information Services, the anti-virus All Viarga Exclusion Software, and Outrageous Broker Offerings, Ltd.  The stock market spiked at the news of this breakthrough.

Even before the announcement, knock-offs of the vehicle were readily available in many Asian cities.  They are especially popular with teen-age girls, who get can travel endlessly in the little pink-and-sliver cars.  The vehicles were immediately banned by the governments of China and Iran.  The Ayatolla Mormuni in Tehran said that the new technology was another attempt by western society to destroy traditional Islam.

Commenting on the announcement, the New Fuels Society noted that the use of this energy source will sequester a lot of smog, which would otherwise contribute much heat, but little light to the planet. Another advantage of the new technology is that one need never fear running out of gas in remote areas; with a laptop and wireless technology one can always tap into the source and "fill up." 

Another advantage of these vehicles is that the next generation of drivers will already know how to go Forward and Reverse, since the same functions apply to email.  Persons who have a response for every posting may have difficulty getting out of reverse.

The vehicles can also burn junk mail as an auxiliary power source. This is another inexhaustible domestic source of potential energy that can be saved from going to landfills, according to a spokesman for the team. The emissions from the tailpipe of the test vehicle were mainly inert dancing yellow smiley faces, which do not burn nor combine with ozone.

The implication for birders was immediately noted by the Cornell team. "This will again allow environmentally conscious nature lovers to chase rare birds without guilt," spokeswoman April Pheul said.

Good chasing, everyone.  I’m out the door.

Paul T. Sullivan