[obol] Guilt-free chasing

[Tom Crabtree]

Gee Paul, you are 43 minutes early this year....


----- Original Message ----- 
From: <ptsulliv at spiritone.com>
To: <obol at lists.oregonstate.edu>
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2007 11:17 PM
Subject: [obol] Guilt-free chasing


OBOL:

Engineers at Cornell and U. Texas today announced that they have discovered
an answer for America's energy crisis and reliance on foreign oil. Working
on a joint project, teams from the two universities have developed a vehicle
which harnesses the gases trapped in the blogosphere and uses them to drive
turbines which power full-size family minivans. The researchers note that
the source is renewable, domestic, and will only continue to grow as
population increases.

The research was hailed by both Al Gore and Senator James Inhofe, who come
from opposite ends of the global warming debate. The research was also
applauded by both extremes of the political spectrum, which expect to get
great mileage out of the vehicle. The research was funded by both the
left-leaning MoveOnward and the fundamentalist christian MoveAmerciaRight.
Additional funding came from Ngoveri Faraniway, daughter of the late king of
Nigeria, who made a fortune on the internet, the trade group Amalgamated
Viagra Information Services, the anti-virus All Viarga Exclusion Software,
and Outrageous Broker Offerings, Ltd.  The stock market spiked at the news
of this breakthrough.

Even before the announcement, knock-offs of the vehicle were readily
available in many Asian cities.  They are especially popular with teen-age
girls, who get can travel endlessly in the little pink-and-sliver cars.  The
vehicles were immediately banned by the governments of China and Iran.  The
Ayatolla Mormuni in Tehran said that the new technology was another attempt
by western society to destroy traditional Islam.

Commenting on the announcement, the New Fuels Society noted that the use of
this energy source will sequester a lot of smog, which would otherwise
contribute much heat, but little light to the planet. Another advantage of
the new technology is that one need never fear running out of gas in remote
areas; with a laptop and wireless technology one can always tap into the
source and "fill up."

Another advantage of these vehicles is that the next generation of drivers
will already know how to go Forward and Reverse, since the same functions
apply to email.  Persons who have a response for every posting may have
difficulty getting out of reverse.

The vehicles can also burn junk mail as an auxiliary power source. This is
another inexhaustible domestic source of potential energy that can be saved
from going to landfills, according to a spokesman for the team. The
emissions from the tailpipe of the test vehicle were mainly inert dancing
yellow smiley faces, which do not burn nor combine with ozone.

The implication for birders was immediately noted by the Cornell team. "This
will again allow environmentally conscious nature lovers to chase rare birds
without guilt," spokeswoman April Pheul said.

Good chasing, everyone.  I'm out the door.

Paul T. Sullivan




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